Friday, October 25, 2013

Why Is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?

If you had asked me a year ago if I would be where I am now, I would have laughed in your face as you pulled yourself off the floor (since I had just punched you hard enough to knock you off your feet). I would've said sure, I could be wiping an elderly person's butt, or stabbing someone with a needle, or witnessing a birth, or many other things that a nursing student does. But sitting in my husband's childhood room while avoiding cleaning by blogging? Not in a million years.

And if you had told me that I'd be happier for it? Yeah, no.

After my surgery in March, when I realized I would have to be leaving my nursing program and my husband lost his job all in one go, I sank into a really, really deep depression. I've dealt with depression for a very long time and this was one of my worst spells. It felt as if my life had no purpose..because basically it didn't.

I wasn't going to school. I wasn't working. There was no obvious reason for it, like having a kid to look after. I was just sick. I wasn't  permitted to drive by my doctor because I would have spells of disorientation (the oven was left on many a time) and I could barely pull myself out of the bed in the morning because I was so depressed that it hurt.

Here I am, however, with a whole new outlook on life. I've opened an Etsy store, which is something I've dreamed about doing for years. I'm doing something on a daily basis that genuinely makes me happy without making me want to rip my hair out (like nursing school did). Don't get me wrong, though. I miss nursing school and want with my whole heart to go back to it or at least physical therapy school. But I think this is where I'm supposed to be in my life right now.

At least, this is where Jesse obviously needs to be. My husband is still in training at his new job, but he's already been set ahead of the rest of his training group. He really seems like he loves it there, which makes my heart feel lighter. He's hated every other job he had and the last one made him feel miserable every day. It's so great to see him smile.

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